How to Raise Kids from Trauma When You’re Still Healing Yourself
I didn’t expect so much of my own past to resurface when my book came out. Writing it brought up wounds I thought I’d long buried, and it reminded me of how much healing still feels like a work in progress.
And then there are my kids. My heart aches to protect them from hurt, yet I see the ways trauma has touched their lives, too. Some days, parenting feels like walking a tightrope: balancing my own healing with their needs, knowing that what helped me heal may not be enough for them or may not even apply.
Recently, I realized I was carrying around some old hurt without even noticing. For a few weeks, it had been weighing me down, making me a little on edge at home. My daughter finally pointed it out; she felt I was being “mean.” We’ve always encouraged our kids to speak up when they feel hurt, and her honesty was a wake-up call.
That Sunday, I got to be a full-on hot mess express during worship, pouring my heart out to God. In that quiet moment, He showed me what I needed to release and how to move forward. Trauma sucks. Healing sucks. But God gently guides us on how to deal with it, lean on Him, and most importantly—let go.
Here’s the truth: you can’t pour from an empty cup. But you can parent with intention, compassion, and faith, even while you’re healing.
1. Acknowledge Your Healing Journey
Before you can support your child through trauma, give yourself permission to feel your own emotions. Journaling, therapy, prayer, and trusted community are not luxuries; they’re lifelines. Model to your kids that healing is ongoing and normal.
2. Set Intentional, Small Boundaries
Trauma can make children feel out of control. Even small routines like consistent bedtimes, check-ins at dinner, or morning rituals can help them feel safe. Boundaries also protect your energy so you don’t burn out.
3. Lean on Faith
Even if your child struggles to understand, you can model reliance on God. Simple prayers together, reading encouraging Scriptures, or sharing your own honest struggles can teach them that they’re not alone and neither are you. I also turn on worship music while cleaning or cooking in the house. Setting the tone in your home is important.
4. Prioritize Connection Over Perfection
Some days, connection is more important than getting everything “right.” A hug, a listening ear, a quiet moment on the couch, these small touchpoints often do more than any lesson or chore ever will. Some days we just need to get out of the house and do something fun together, the to-do list will still be there when we get back home.
5. Accept Help and Resources
Trauma-informed parenting is challenging. Don’t be afraid to lean on therapy, support groups, or books written by experts. You’re not failing by asking for help; you’re choosing to parent well despite the challenges. My husband and I have attended several classes and read quite a few books over the years. Feel free to send me a message, and I would be happy to help by praying for you and giving you some good resources.
6. Give Yourself Grace
There will be hard days. Days when your patience runs thin, when your own past feels heavy, when the chaos overwhelms you. That’s okay. Healing is messy, parenting is messy, and love is messy. And that’s exactly where God shows up.
“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7 NLT
Even in the mess, even in the tension between your healing and your child’s, God is present, guiding both of you toward restoration. And don’t forget to tell your kids that you are sorry when you mess up. It’s important we model what we should do when we accidentally get a little attitude or snappy.
Reflection Questions for Parents:
What’s one small step I can take this week to support my child’s emotional safety?
How can I model healing in a way that my child can witness?
Where can I release control and trust God in the parenting process?
God, thank you for my children. Thank you for believing in me and trusting me to raise them. I pray that you always guide me and how you want me to parent them. I pray they always feel they have a home with my husband and me. I pray they always feel loved and cared for by us. I pray they always go to you first with everything. You are a good and mighty God. In Jesus’ name, Amen. (Now, either write or say your own prayer to God about your parenting.)
Recommended Worship Song:
“Way Maker” by Leeland – A reminder that God is present, working, and guiding even when life feels chaotic.
